[[Read the previous post in this series here:
“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.“
Learning ‘Not to take anything personally’ can be incredibly powerful because “you stop getting offended by what others say or do, and you do not feel the need to defend your beliefs and get into conflicts”.
Not taking things personally keeps your ego in check when you have everything going for you.
Not taking anything personally enables you to step away from an undesirable situation and prevents you from feeling like a victim.
I want to share with you a personal experience that caused lot of grief to me and I found my way out through ‘not taking it personally’.
Last year I found myself in a toxic and unethical work relationship. In simple words, I trusted someone and was conned. The whole experience was a nightmare. I felt cheated and victimised.
Five months later, I was still trying to come to an amicable solution (read: get paid for the work I had delivered) but all in vain; I felt enraged and humiliated.
I said to my husband, Abhishek, “I have never been so humiliated in my work life. How can they hire someone, not pay them and then not even respond to their calls or emails? That is exploitation!”
Abhishek knew I was upset (serious time and money had been lost) but he did the best thing he could. He DID NOT try to rescue me.
Instead he said, “But you should not feel humiliated at all because their behaviour has nothing to do with you. They would have done this to just anyone; it just happened to be you.
Don’t let someone else’s deceit humiliate you. THEY are the ones who did not keep their end of the bargain.”
In that moment, I stepped away from the situation and evaluated what I wanted to do next – walk away from this toxic relationship or pursue them further.
In that moment, by not taking things personally, I could see the contrast between them and all the other fabulous people I have worked with & continue to work with in my career.
In that moment, from feeling angry and humiliated, I moved on to feeling grateful to every organisation, every colleague, every client I have worked with and every person I continue to come in contact with. If you are reading this, you are one of these special people; thank you for an authentic relationship.
This was also a reminder of how what happens to us may not be in our control but how we choose to respond is in our control.
As I write this, I remind myself again to be impeccable with my word (Read a post about it at this link: https://www.facebook.com/parul.banka.7/posts/1801663909895964) and not to take anything personally.
Always great to receive some in-house coaching, especially when it is free and comes from someone you trust. Haha!
P.S. Eventually, I decided what Abraham Hicks says in the picture below:
(Inspired by the Second Agreement, ‘Don’t Take Anything Personally’, written by Don Miguel Ruiz in his book ‘The Four Agreements’).
Need help in learning how not to take things personally so that you can always be in your power and not feel like a victim?